Christ, i seriously don’t know what the fuck i’m doing.
i realize the likelihood of my ending up dead somewhere is very, very slim. But sometimes i think i may end up there… from wanton self-destructive behavior or maybe from not giving a fuck anymore.
What do i have to lose at this point, really?
i can’t find a place to start. My mind is a mess. i can’t fucking guide myself; i can’t even fucking think straight! And i’m just so lost that i want to be beaten into oblivion and made to disappear, if only to not have to fucking try to think my own way out of this. What the fuck am i supposed to do about the fact that i have no idea what the fuck i’m doing?