Things have been in an upheaval with finances and my recovery and D and I almost separating. I’ve barely been on here. I’d checked a few times before you’d messaged me and nothing was there, so I was just giving it time.

I will remove the posts… the problem is, I wrote a lot of stuff that’s important to me and normally I would just put it on private so they don’t show up, but since it’s already a private blog I can’t do that. So I have to copy and paste all the posts to another format before I can delete them and that will be a little time consuming. I will though.

The celexa has basically made me not care about a lot of Damian’s shit. We don’t talk anymore because it’s pointless. He thinks we’re getting along better as a result. Lucky him.

I think we’re going to get evicted next month because we can’t pay the rent raise. Christmas isn’t so happy this year. Oh well. Finding a job has been hard. It’s annoying how 3/4 of the places I apply don’t even respond. It’s hard to badger them and to care when everything else is shit. I don’t mean to make everything ‘woe is me’. It just is what it is. I’ve pretty much given up on all the things I wanted and believed in… things just seem easier that way.

I miss you. I’m sure I would feel less… alone and wasted if I could talk to you. After what’s happened to me though, I don’t blame Kiana at all. Not one bit. I really just want you and her to have all the things I don’t believe in anymore. So it’ll be real for someone else at least.

I wonder how Drew is doing and what he looks like. Anyway, I hope you’re okay… I worry about the you that is deep inside. I think about him a lot.

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